A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

School Days

Original post date was August 26, 2006

Got the boy to school Thursday. So far, so good- at least, we haven’t fallen apart yet! His roommate seems very nice, we met his family as well, nice people. I hope it works out for him. We’ve heard from him twice, once via IM just to say hi, and on the phone yesterday. Sounds good, as far as meeting and hooking up with the kids he met at orientation and all. We’re hoping he feels better, that the lyme’s responds quickly to antibiotics, just so he’s not distracted by health while he needs to focus on school, and schedules, and roomies, and all.

Had a bit of a startle the hell out of me moment(s) this week, which makes me feel down. Lynn and I have played for years, in fantasies and such, with mild exhibitionism- sortof “what if someone was watching” games, and fooling around in places that might be called slightly less private than our bedroom. ; ).

No problems there, but it seems that at one time, when she was chattering with one of her online friends, a more intimate picture was shared- which we’ve been talking about over the last few days. The biggest difficulty, I’ve come to realize, for me is that she didn’t let me know about it. All of our games have been silly, light-hearted fun, when we could giggle and laugh and cuddle after, and talk about it and remember it together. It hurt some, that in this case, we couldn’t- cuz I didn’t know about it.

For her, from what she said (obviously through my paraphrasing), it was because we weren’t being particularly close at that time, and she was having fun with her friend, and they got onto bathroom remodeling and she mentioned that Id taken a pic of her, in ours, and she let him see it. Not a huge deal, as far as that goes, which is ok.

And I guess, if it means we’re talking more, then it’s a good thing in the end.

Overall, I’ve loved that she has connected with so many people that she can play pogo with, and chat to- we’re pretty isolated here, and there’s not a lot of neighborhood for her to connect with other moms, and things to do during the day. And, since her back injury, for that year, it gave a way to talk to people, to connect to grown-ups and not be completely locked into the kid’s lives.

But it did hurt, that she couldn’t share with me. We’ve been talking about that too, and really coming to a realization that between the two of us, depression has been a much bigger factor in our lives, than we knew- mine, and hers as well.

So now, I’m trying to balance the general interest that’s always been there, “what’s the game tonight?” and “Who’s on today?” with not being hovering and overlooking.

I think I’d rather be sailing, heh. Escapism at it’s best. Not the fastest getaway vehicle, perhaps (especially since there’s not much wind today), but at least a non-thinking non-feeling thing to do.

We’ll see whats what, I guess.

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Filed under: relationship, sex

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