A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

Watching you grin

Original posting date was August 9, 2006

Watching you grin, while you play your game and chat with your friends, makes me feel pleased, and sad.

Pleased, because I love you to have your friends, knowing how isolated you’ve felt and the neat connections you’ve made with your pogo-players.

I love your little smirk, that quirk around the corner of your eyes, and want always to see it. I’d love nothing more than to stare at you for hours, just watching your eyes and lips.

I love to see you shift in your chair, when something strikes you especially funny, the little giggle you half-stifle, with a glance my way to see if I’m noticing.

I am, and I love it. The little tidbits you share with me, the silliness you enjoy with your friends, is such a wonderful thing to see, to watch. It makes me grin, just watching you.

Sad, only because it seems as though I should be able to make you grin, too, and sometimes I feel as if I don’t, or if you are, I’m not seeing it. Perhaps it’s just my own perceptions, clouded as they are, but it feels as if I can no longer give you that smirk, when you look at me sideways, tilting your eyes up at me impishly, grinning and tossing me a wink.

Other times I know it’s just my vision, I see you looking at me as you always have, but then I wonder, which is the right view? Or neither?

Is it still there? Am I still here?


Filed under: depression, relationship

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