Sex, and sexuality, and passion and sensual times. How much of sex is truly mental, as connections are formed, thoughts are the same. It’s amazing how just a glimpse of soft skin, a smell of hair, the brief warm touch of fingertips cause such an immediate response. Deep inside, the warmth as I look at her, the little fluttery feelings that send shivers of heat radiating, and then the returned look, deep dark eyes softening, knowing the affect on me, the quirky smile that says “I know what you’re thinking of, and I like it, and agree.”
What a wonderful thing, an exciting and exhilarating time, to share and explore minds and hearts and bodies, learning anew things we thought were well established, as we’ve grown and expanded horizons, as we’ve matured, so many ideas and fantasies and games that used to be awkward, uncomfortable, are now available to be talked about and experienced.
It’s scary, but it’s wonderful and exciting too. Not knowing where our explorations will lead us, taking a day or a moment or an hour at a time, to touch and hug and pinch and stroke, all these things meld together, making us even more one than before. Joined in mind, in heart and body and spirit, seeking together is so much more intimate than we’ve ever been, drawing us closer and ever closer together.
I wrote here about a stream of consciousness that I’d had one day, and as I look back and remember those feelings, as intense as they were, I’m amazed at how much more I feel now. Never realizing how blocked I was from even my own thoughts, I can feel myself opening again, reaching out to embrace the world, my world. In so many different ways, I’ll never be the same again. Having seen myself at my worst, I can now believe that I’m worth working to learn what my best actually is.
How fun it is to learn that we can share these things again, lovingly and openly, that after so many years of teaching me she didn’t need them, want them, Lynn too has grown and opened doors. I used to be reserved in sharing things I wanted, because I was afraid that she’d think me sick, or weird, or too far outside the comfort zone. Now, slowly, even I’m learning that the talking, the fantasizing, are okay, that sharing these things is not only allowed, it’s welcomed. If I can only make her see that the reverse is also true, that I want and desire to know her thoughts, how much closer will we be than even now?
The play, the games, the talk and the sex, they’re all so wonderful, but the honest hearing and telling, is so much more intimate, that’s truly the most special thing of all.