A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

Family Musings

Family.

It’s the weekend of my Dad’s seventy-fifth birthday bash, and I’m writing this in the airport waiting to go home.

I love my family. This is really a new revelation to me, in a way. I’ve spent many years not particularly caring about them one way or another, but in the last year or two, I’ve realized more and more how much I really do love them, and how much they mean to me. I’m still not good about the whole “keep in touch” part of making our relationships better, or closer, but I’ve gotten better about accepting their concern, without withdrawing and pulling away from them.

Even the older brother, whom I spent years hating and resenting, and avoiding whenever I possibly could- even him, I’ve come to realize that he loves me, and that I really do love him as well. I don’t think or expect that we’ll ever be best friends, but in a lot of ways his questions, his “nosiness”, is his way of showing concern, and perhaps it’s just his way of expressing that he cares.

(On the airplane now, on the way home).

The sis, the little brother, and the two sister-in-laws, I was having a great time chattering and babbling with. I spent more time talking to my younger brother’s wife today, than I think I ever have, and we talked of things that are sure more private than ever before; I didn’t realize quite how much we have in common, in attitude, in some emotional dealings, in the way we look at the world. It was really fun, getting to know a little more about her, sharing some parts of me as well.

Makes me a little bit sad, that we’re so far away from each other now. Sometimes, living in New York hurts more than other times, and sometimes, I really don’t like it. I’m feeling very nostalgic, missing them already, and I’m really, really needing to get home to Lynn and the kids.

So as I sit here in a 737, thinking of my immediate family, of my extended family, I’m really very glad that I’m still here. I shared, for the first time, some of what I had dealt with, and the decision that I made last summer with a couple of them; and, I’m so very, very glad to be here, to get the chance to share it with them.

I love you all.

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Filed under: family, vacation

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