A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

Another meandering post

So, it’s been a while since I’ve felt much like writing anything, I guess, but for whatever reason I have to tonight. The problem, is that the part of me that is insisting that I write something, hasn’t seen fit to tell me what to write about. Darn ol’ muses anyway, they’re always out for coffee or something when I need them.

So, I guess it’s going to be another of my “meandering” posts, sorry about that. Don’t read, if you don’t want to fall asleep, sorry. 🙂

The traveling that I’ve been doing for the last several weeks is thankfully at an end, for a bit. The next trip will be a vacation to the cabin, I’ll go and join the gang for two weeks at the end of July. Dad’s going to come out and pick me up, which is a nice way to save on the airfare. Then I’ll have a couple of shorter trips this fall, but nothing like the 10 week round that we just finished.

I have mixed feelings about this summer, too. It’s very normal for me to stay home alone, while Lynn and the kids spend the summer at the cabin. But I also have in the back of my head (You’d think the back would be full by now, but I manage to keep too much garbage back there somehow), that a couple of years ago, in the summer, was when I had the first round of ring-around-the-rosy-with-the-black-thing. I know, I know, I’m in a different emotional state, and a different mental state, and I have a lot more and better support in place now. Knowing that, doesn’t change the feelings though- I tend to “know” a lot of things without being able to “feel” them, at times, so I just have to deal with it.

One good thing is that I wont be completely alone this year, though. Jeremy has a couple of jobs, and he’s going to stay here and only go to Minnesota when I do; and afterwards, both he and Rob will be coming back, so it’s not as if I’ll be quite as isolated as normal. I’m thinking that’s going to be a good thing, overall, even if it does mean they’ll want to do oddball things, like eat.

Lynn and I are doing okay, these days. I’m getting used to and adjusting to the knowledge that as we’ve grown older, we’ve changed, and even if the changes aren’t what I would have thought of, or looked for, I can deal with them. I still get a bit broody sometimes, when I consider differences and similarities to a couple of years ago- what I now think of as “pre-asshole” days- but I guess that’s a part of life that everyone needs to face. After all, “they” say that change is inevitable, so if “they” know anything at all, I’ll just keep working on acceptance of the things I cannot change. I guess, too, the deeper changes aren’t even specifically related to when I learned of them, but were going back further- I just didn’t know it, in my fog of depression.

As I said at the start, this is a non-subject post- just the irritability and restlessness that pops up when I don’t write something- and now, I seem to hear (maybe) a bit of a call (faintly) from someone that seems to think I should invent her and write her a bit- so I’ll go see if a bit of fiction may result.

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Filed under: depression, family, lynn, meanderings, relationship, vacation, , , ,

2 Responses

  1. C-Marie says:

    Away at a cabin sounds nice. I think I’m doing something like that around the July 4th weekend. I wished it could be longer than a weekend but it’s certainly better than no weekend.

  2. You have been there for me since we met on this thing and especially these last 2 months, and I will never forget that, and I will always there for you Friend and LB. Can I go to the cabin too? It’s not like I’m busy working!

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