A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

More New York Adventure

More about our latest New York adventure.

As I wrote about here we had an incredible time in NYC, and have had some wonderful times with the new toy since. What I didn’t write about yet, is the other purchases that we made at the same time.

So, picture the scene, as we left babeland and were walking along the street, carrying the bright bag and very, very conscious of what’s inside it. We walked a block or so, hand in hand, and then I stopped Lynn. People walking past, jostling, the noise of the traffic on the narrow streets, knowing that any number of people could be observing this.

I reached into the bag, and took out what was being sold as an armband. It’s satiny blue, with edges of black, and three snaps to adjust to various sizes. However, we didn’t buy it for her arm, or for mine. No, I’d very carefully selected it to fit around her neck, intentionally buying the armband because I wasn’t interested in the leash fittings that come with the collars. I have no interest at this point in using a leash on her, but I loved very much the idea of having her wearing a tight collar for me.*

So, there on the street, I gently lifted her hair, and snapped the collar around her neck.

What a rush, on so many different levels. The sharp intake of her breath, as she felt my hands on her, adjusting it to fit, right there on the avenue. The swelling of emotion and desire and love, as I felt her submitting to the placement, the two of us knowing even if no one else did, that the symbolism was fully in place, as she submitted to my temporary ownership of her.

She wore the collar as we ate, as we walked along the street with her gorgeous breasts and black bra showing, all of which I’ve described. She had it on as we rode the train, when she sucked and fondled my cock, completely abandoning inhibitions to please me. She wore it still, as we made it home and to our bedroom, as we fucked and sucked and tested out our new toy.

What an incredible, loving gift from a hot and sensual woman, so intense emotionally and sensually, that I can’t even describe the feelings- I’m not that good a writer- but oh wow, it’s an amazing gift that I was given.

This sexual and sensual journey that we’re on, is getting more and more intense, and I can’t help but wonder sometimes, what’s next? But for now, it’s certainly enough to just hang on and enjoy the ride. And, with her consent, here’s what it looked like, that night:

*I have to qualify things with “at this point” these days, because things change so rapidly in our sexual life now! I don’t really think I’m going to want to leash her, we play with bondage some but it’s not for humiliation, more for the thrill of giving up the control to the other.

Filed under: limits, nerve, new york, relationship, sex

Count your Blessings

Yesterday, I stopped taking the pain and nerve medications. I decided, after thinking about it for a while, and from what the primary Doctor’s reaction was, to the prescriptions that the physiatrist had given me (Basically, “Oh. Are they any help at all?” Which, isn’t clear so much as his tone, which was very clearly indicating that he wondered why she bothered).

It made Lynn mad, but I haven’t been getting any better by taking them, and they’re bugging me with side effects that I didn’t like, so I figured that if I stop taking them and nothing changes, then nothing has been lost. If I stop taking them, and I hurt more or the numbness gets worse, well then it’s easy enough to start taking them again. So today was the second full day without them, the first work day and all I’ve noticed is a bit of extra soreness in my neck. The numbness hasn’t increased or decreased, my range of motion is the same, so I’m not really sure that the drugs had any effect at all, except to make the doc feel that she was doing something.

That’s probably unfair, I’m sure she is doing her best, but it’s frustrating to have no change for not taking them.

So, the next thing is to find the anesthesiologist, and setup to have an epidural and more physical therapy. From there, who knows?

I was speaking at work today, about stress and how we deal with it, and shared my worries about the arm, and what if it doesn’t get better? What if this is what it is, and all the limitations that it puts on me.

BUT, this class is partially based on how we deal with stress, and how to manage worry so that it doesn’t consume you.

So I also shared something that I was trying to put into practice, one of Dale Carnegies’ principles:

“Count your blessings, not your troubles.”

Simple words, but very powerful:

I can pray, I can work, I can type, I can read, I can hug. I can cuddle. I can take photographs, I can walk. I have the kids, I have friends, I have Lynn.

The list can go on, and on, and when I really look at it, and think about it, well, my troubles are really not anything much. So, I’m trying my best to remember to count those blessings, and let the troubles fall where they may.

Filed under: arm, arthritis, blessings, depression, learning, limits, pain, pray, relationship

Ouch

Limitations. I was at the firehouse today, where we were holding a car wash to raise money, which we do several times during the summer months. I was picking up Rob, though, not actually washing cars, which not only is really boring but I can’t do anyway, right now, because of the arm shoulder neck c5 shit. Anyway.

The captain pulled me aside, and said, “You have to take care of a physical, the chief is starting to go nuts and he’s leaning all over me, you’re way overdue.”

“Bob, I’ve told you, I can’t pass a physical right now, that’s why I haven’t been responding nor drilling. I can’t do anything with my left arm and I can’t trust it.”

“Oh. I forgot. What are you going to do, you can’t stay on active status.”

So, I am now officially on medical disability, as far as the fire department goes. I’d wanted to avoid that, because it means I have to do extra doctor slips to return, and I kept hoping that the physical therapy and the meds would be enough. They haven’t been, and doesn’t appear that they will be, so I had to officially say I’m not capable of doing the job for now. Which sucks.

I came home later, and spent some time mowing, just thinking about what it is that I can do, and can’t do, and trying not to let it get depressing and awful. I have an appointment on the sixth with a neurosurgeon, and I’m sure hoping they can do something, because if I can’t do the simplest things I’m going to go insane. (Yes, I know I already am, but the degree of nutty-ness would go from a simple cashew to a full-size brazil nut).

I don’t really have much to say about this, but it’s on my mind, and nagging at me. I don’t like not being able to do things like put an air-conditioner in, and I don’t like having to think before I reach for something.

If they tell me that based on the symptoms and the degeneration, surgery wont help, and an epidural wont, I don’t know what’s left for options. Those are the only two that the physiatrist had left in her bag of tricks, so I have to pin my hopes on one or the other.

Is this when, just like a kid who will say “It HAS to be (whatever they want)” I get to say:

“But it HAS to work!” because if it doesn’t, I’m screwed?

I don’t want to be screwed, not in that sense anyway.

Filed under: arm, arthritis, limits, nerve, pain

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