A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

Ups and downs but I like the ups best

Funny, the way my moods can be so mercurial. Granted, the feelings I was dealing with last week weren’t really a deep, dark depressive episode. There was no thought in my mind of dying, of suicide, of other nasty icky things that have visited me too often.

Yet, it passed off so nicely, and left without that lingering bad taste in the mouth, that I really want to know why. What is it, about some of these occurrences, that lets them leave quietly, and let’s me get on my way as if it had never happened? To go on, and go to friends, and play and laugh and hike a beautiful river (with waterfalls, see pic below and tons more on my flickr page).

I don’t know, and that frustrates me to no end. I have tried to keep track, if only in a general way, of what I’m doing, what I’m eating, how I’m sleeping, all the little things, in an attempt to see if I can identify something that is common, to both the onset of the dark days, and the passing off- so I can do better at getting rid of them in an easier and smoother way, if I can’t head them off completely.

Driving me nuts! Oh, wait, I’m already nuts. Never mind that part then!

Anyway, we had a fantastic weekend; we hiked around a place called Butterfield Falls, right by the Delaware Water Gap, with some great friends. It made a wonderful final weekend before the school routine starts up, and I got to take hundreds of photos. What could possibly be better than that?

Well, yeah, you’re right, photos are not as good as sex- but there was a sufficiency of that, too, and it was way great. Mind-blowing, as a matter of fact, but that’s another story.

Now, if I can relearn how to sleep properly, without having to drug myself, I’ll be all set.


Filed under: depression, meanderings, photos, , , , , , , ,



No, It’s not real. It’s henna, but I love the souvenir of our trip. What a fantastic adventure we had!

But for now, all I can say is that there’s nothing like being in the warm sun, the warm ocean, with the option of not wearing anything at all. I have decided that after years of living in colder places, such as Minnesota and upstate New York, there’s really something magical about the heat and warmth of the tropics.

Sailing trips, skinny-dipping, snorkeling, shopping, napping- ’twas all so much fun. Toss in massages, great food, pool games and night life, and it’s something that I’ll remember forever.

Certainly long after my Mayan Sun God has faded off my shoulder!

We flew to Cancun on Monday, and stayed through Sunday. Our days were filled with snorkeling, massages, sailing trips (Wherein a new-style flag was created, as many of the ladies attached bikini tops to the shrouds 😉 ). Nights, we ate well and spent time in the “disco”, before spending time with ourselves, having some of the most mind-blowing sex in I-Don’t-Know-How-Long.

Must be the tropical air, huh?

I’m not going to catalog the trip, but really, if you haven’t been someplace like it- GO!

Filed under: lynn, photos, vacation, , , , , , , ,

Salt Lake City- Or, A Tale of Travel Adventures Pt 1

In which various people begin travels via various means; arrive at an interim point and are surprised; reach the final destination and miss somethings; through several compromises manage to be hot in the snow; are reunited with comfortable feet; find the snow again; and avoid conversion although have conversation with sundry Mormons.

Saturday, March 22, 0350-2400 Eastern; The alarm, evil thing that it is, manages to wake us up in spite of exhaustion and illness. Not the greatest beginning to the trip, with Lynn and myself both tired, cranky, and in her case not feeling great. However, we did get the kids up, and got all six of us into the Pacifica, with the roof-rack loaded and skis and bags and carry-ons inside.

The drive to Kennedy, while uneventful, was as always a pain in the but. We have to leave our house a full three hours before our flights are scheduled to leave, in order to get to the airport, park and shuttle to the terminals and still manage to schlep six people and all our luggage through check-in and security. Granted, it’s getting easier and easier- the kids are great and handle their own bags now. Everyone is allowed one duffel, for all the clothes/ski wear, and one carryon for important things like cameras, computers, books and snacks. The skis combine into four bags, two doubles and two singles, so we check ten and carry six- and so far, we’ve not forgotten any of the children anywhere.

We arrived in Minneapolis on time, and found my dad in the gate for the next flight. This was fun, because the kids didn’t know we were on the same plane for that part of the flight; so they had a lot of “Wow!” “GRAND-DAD!!!!!” And grabbing and hugging and laughing going on- which is always a blast.

The flight to Salt Lake was also uneventful, just a bit of musical seats as the kids swapped around to sit by dad.

However, once we’d arrived, the inconvenience began. Thank you, Delta, for sending a duffel to timbuctoo. Or somewhere. All of Rob’s clothes, toiletries, ski wear, etc were nowhere to be found. Worse, in terms of the skiing portion of the trip- MY ski boots were also in that bag. Which truly, utterly, completely sucks. It was okay for Rob, because he was going to rent anyway, because he’s been snowboarding the last few years he doesn’t have equipment of his own. But dang it all, those boots are custom-fit, Solomon boots that I love.

So after fussing with Delta for a while, getting a claim filed, etc, etc, we made our way to the Hotel. Where they managed to put us into two rooms that each had a king-size bed. Nice for Lynn and myself, but not so great when we have to share with the kids and dad, though. So, a room swap or two later, and we’re in the originally reserved rooms with two queens each. With the convertible sofas, we have enough bed space for the seven of us.

That night, we took the UTA Trax train, and attended the Easter Vigil service at St. Mark’s Cathedral. What a beautiful service that was, very very well done. The building, in this state and city that is so dominated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not a particularly imposing structure externally; but the inside was fantastic, and the choir and music was great.

Finally, dinner- and back to the hotel, to fall into bed. Wheew!

Sunday, March 23, 0700-2300 Mountain; No alarm, but we’re all up easily, mostly because of the time change. Breakfast at this hotel (Embassy Suites, nice place) is included in the room charge, but it’s more than just the cereal/juice/rolls of some. Here you can order a couple of eggs, omelets, bacon or sausage or pancakes, as well as the cold cereal type stuff- which is great.

SO then, Rob, dad and I walked to the local ski shop, all of 2 blocks. Rob rented a package for the week, and since they refused to adjust my bindings to their boots, I decided to skip renting for that day, and see if the ski area would do so; at least this way I could try to use my good skis.

Luckily, Brighton did allow me to do that, so I rented boots there.

And, Finally- let the fun begin!!

Oh WOW. What an incredible, wonderful ski area. Salt Lake’s ski areas average around 500″ of snow annually; and this year they’ve been getting more than usual. We had perfect snow, perfectly clear skies, perfect temperatures. It was around 40, that first day, and what a blast. I haven’t skied in the Rocky Mountains for waaay, waaay, too long; I know, I knew I loved them, but what a piece of heaven on earth. I miss “My” mountains, more than I realized.

Just to see the terrain, the majesty, the peaks, makes me homesick; and, I’ve never lived here, or in the mountains, only vacationed, but still- I love them.

Dinner that night, was delivered pizza and salads from a bag. No one had the energy to get out, so it was a quiet, early night and to bed with all.

Monday, March 24, 0700-2300 Mountain; HOOORAY!!!
The bag was found, and delivered to the Hotel at 0200 this morning. Cheers, instant thrills and (no, I didn’t orgasm over them, but I did pet them) my boots are here!

Monday, we headed up- up the canyon, up the “POSH” scale, to Deer Valley. Known as the poshest ski area around, I can believe it; where other areas use industrial chrome plumbing, Deer Valley pays for the less durable brass; where concrete steps and walkways are enough for strength and utility elsewhere, Deer Valley lays down garden pavers. And replaces them, as needed, for ski boots are not known to be easy on brick.

A second perfect day of skiing, oh my. Temp again to the 40’s, perfectly clear blue skies, snow that is deeper than needed everywhere, and nowhere scraped to grass; superb!!!!

The only drawback- the heat. We were all so hot, that we were finding different ways to try to lose layers. For me, luckily, my turtleneck was an old ratty one- so I didn’t have any qualms tossing it in the garbage; in fact, it would have prior to the trip, but I was thinking I’d need all I owned.

There’s something decadent about skiing in a t-shirt, and for a bit without that, no gloves, hats or goggles, no sweaters and down jackets- just boots, pants and sunglasses. Gotta love that! ROb took a picture with his camera, and I’ll get that posted at some point, but still wonderful.

AND- My feet didn’t kill me all day. Yes, renting boots is a fine expediency when needed, but oh man, did my feet hurt at the end of Sunday. I was so pleased to have my good boots back, I suspect my family is just as happy- cuz I stopped whining!

Dinner in again, and early bed- not much happening on most of our evenings, we get pretty tired and try to sleep early.

Tuesday, March 25, 0000-1700 Mountain; Grrrrrrr.
What did I say about trying to sleep? Well, no one had a great sleep, except dad. Perhaps altitude, perhaps something else, but I was up all night, Lynn slept about an hour, the kids were up and down as well. So we decided to take a sight-seeing day, in the interest of not hurting ourselves.

Two boys opted to stay back and read and watch movies, so Dad, Lynn, Beth, Rob and I all headed to the Union Pacific Terminal, which is the gateway to an outdoor shopping plaza. Just wandering, and taking photos- I’ll put some of the Olympic Memorial Musical up too-

And then, into the jaws of the lion. Or, in this case, into Temple Square, for a thirty minute tour with the missionaries there. It’s an interesting history if nothing else, regardless of your opinion or beliefs regarding Joseph Smith and the Mormon Church; and yes, we managed to escape with our “Episcopalian-ness” intact.


So, for later- dinner out, probably something sim
ple like Olive Garden, and then tomorrow- Alta, or Snow Basin.

Wow, this got long- so, I’m done for now, but rest assured, I’ll be back to bore you more later in the week!

Filed under: dad, family, kids, lynn, mormon, mountains, photos, ski, skiing, SLC, snow, utah, vacation


I love the way this turned out, the whole set is pretty good- even if I’m saying so myself.

I’ve been working on my lighting a fair amount, lately, and yesterday I took hundreds of photos. The set that we did with a black background really pleased me, because the whole “floating against black” really turned out okay.

Especially, since the backdrops and supports are just improvisations. I was telling a friend that wal-mart sheets and craft-store silk flowers, are your friends, if you want to have inexpensive but fun ways to modify backgrounds and pick up silly props.

Have I mentioned before, that I LOVE this camera? Oh, I have? Must be senility that makes me repeat myself- but I sure do love this camera!

Love my darling model, too, I’m thinkin’ that that’s part of why these work.


Filed under: lynn, photography, photos, sensual, sexy


Sacramento, wasn’t. At least as far as work was concerned, the Sacramento site is actually at the old Mather Air Force Base, which has been converted to civil use. Which is fine, and good, and all that- but it means we stayed in a nothing hotel, in a suburb that could have been just about anywhere at all, called Rancho Cordova. Humph.

What this meant, is that after working from 645 to 700 each day, then dinner, we didn’t get into Sacramento proper at all. We’d planned on trying to go Thursday night, but that didn’t happen either- ‘cuz that night, we worked until about 930, then dinner, and fell into bed; and since the closing meeting was at 630 this morning, no one had the inclination to head in last night.

But, I cheated. Because of the way the flights worked out, my airplane didn’t leave until 115 pm, Pacific time. So, after the meeting this morning, I dropped three of my partners off at the airport, and drove into Sacramento myself. As it turned out, this was a great thing- I didn’t have to worry about holding anyone else up, nor did I have to hurry for a photo opportunity, etc.

I have a load of photos, which I’ll be putting on flickr, but I really loved a couple of them, that I took at the old lift bridge. That was great, because it happened that while I was wandering, a boat was passing; and while I was taking photos, I met the contractor that was responsible for the renovations and sidewalk widening that had been ongoing.

That was excellent, because he called me his “guest”, and let me cross over the barriers and gates while the bridge was in operation, past all the red flashing lights, etc, etc, to take a few photos. Not a bad person to run into, huh? The rest of my wandering was down in “Old Sacramento”, which is an area that’s pretty much maintained as it would have been long ago- but, it’s not quite all museum, so it’s more fun, because the shops are mingled with professional offices, lawyers and architects, accountants and tattoo parlors, ice cream and railroad museum are all in proximity.

It was fun, and I’m glad I didn’t go at night, because everything appeared to close at about 700. Even though I was earlier than many shops were open, it was better light too.

Here’s one of my favorites, click-through to see the rest of them on Flickr.

Originally uploaded by sailordlv.

Filed under: bridge, photos, Sacramento, train, travel, work

October is Boobie Month- or something close to that!

Coming up on October, and we all know what that means, right? Right! It’s time for Boobie-Thon! Oh, wait, no- it’s breast cancer awareness month, and Boobie-Thon is just one of the fun ways to support research into finding a cure.

This started a few years ago, and has grown each year. People submit photos of their boobies, and others can view them by making a donation; this allows access to the uncovered area, all the covered shots are free apparently. Everyone can get involved, either by donating, or submitting a photo. Guys, too, don’t be shy, send in a photo- after all, why should the ladies have all the fun?

Visit the site Boobie-Thon here. (The main page is work-safe, according to the authors).

Oh, and to answer the question I was asked about it yesterday, Yes- I did send a picture in.

Filed under: boobie-thon, boobies, breast cancer, photos

Taking Stock

Taking stock as I’ve finished up the class I took, and starting to wonder what’s next, and how I feel about so many things that have been going on in my head, and heart and life. Granted, that intellectually I understand that discernment is just that, it’s determining the direction, but I wish that it was clearer to me. I know, too, that it’s a long process, as it should be, but my impatience surfaces at times.

I was chatting with a friend the other day, half of the couple we went to Jamaica with, and she was asking me questions herself: “What does it mean to our relationship, if you continue on this path?”

I had no real answers. I’ve struggled with that myself, in so many ways lately; sexuality and sexual playing has become a part of our lives, nudity and dares and new games with Lynn, how does this all reconcile to my spiritual needs, and the direction that I’m being tugged toward? Sometimes kicking and screaming, granted, but there is this major pull and I don’t know exactly how it will all work out.

Damnit, I liked hanging out at the nude beach, and playing cards and sitting in the hot tub, and the whole fantasy night thing, and all.

I like playing with Lynn, and exploring our fantasies, and fulfilling them.

I like taking sexy photos of her, and that playing we’ve done.

I like reading smut stories, and writing them (even though not much lately).

I like the voyeurism/exhibitionism that we’ve been playing with.

So, how do I balance that, with God and prayer and scripture and spirituality and whatever else is going on?

Too much to balance, even the little things seem hard somedays; I feel inconsistent, if not hypocritical, when Lynn can tell me that she’s been cybering someone and it makes me hot, and the very next minute it makes me jealous and scared. I get so bollixed up in my own mind, and don’t know what to do with the emotions and thoughts they generate.

I feel inconsistent and hypocritical to pray, sometimes, and then a few minutes or hours later we’re doing something that most would call wrong, or sinful, or whatever. But, it also feels right, for our relationship, for me- so, what is that all about??

I wish, sometimes, that it was as simple as for Peter, a handy angel and all.

Guess I’ll just keep thinking and praying and following my heart as best I can, but I do wish it was easier sometimes.

Filed under: God, photos, relationship, sex

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