A Rock Feels No Pain

In despero , obscurum ; In Diligo , Lux lucis. (In despair, darkness; In Love, Light). -Me

Pains, Plans, and Playing

So. I went to the neurosurgeon yesterday morning, to see what else can be done for the pain in the neck. Yes, I have the literal and original PITN, whereas Lynn has the PITA, because while she managed to damage a disc low down, my damage is up in my cervical spine.

Could it be that we are each reacting to one another? I mean, sometimes, she’s a PITN, and I know she’d testify that I can be the biggest PITA ever… hmmmm. Wonder if the medical profession knows about this?

Anyway. What I have, is called something-or-other ridiculousis, which I’ve mentioned before, and strikes me as the silliest ever thing to have. But, that’s what it’s called, so I’m stuck with it. What it really means, is that it hurts- some days more than others, never pain-free. I’ve been to the physiatrist, (Pain specialist), and done the physical therapy/massage/drugs/electric stimulation/chiropractic/exercise/voodoo and incantations by the dark of the moon stuff. Okay, maybe not the voodoo, but I’m tempted, at times. Know any good witch doctors?

No? Okay, well fine then. Good thing I know a neurosurgeon that seems competent enough, and my regular Doctor thinks highly of- and I respect his opinion a lot, I love my Doc; so, off I went to the doc, and had another consultation.

She did what she does, which is to peer at the MRI films, muttering and pointing (that must be the incantations, I knew they were there somewhere!). Then, she has me take off my shoes and socks, and wander around on my toes, then my heels, then heel-to-toe, then stand with my eyes closed and poke myself in the eye (was supposed to be touching my nose, oops). Next, I get to tilt and turn my head and say ouch, and sit on the big table while she tickles.. errrr, tests my ability to feel, to see if I’m losing sensation (yes), and then she gets to tell me “stuff”.

All kinds of fun stuff- like Anterior Cervical Discectomy, and “Thoracic entry with lateral incision and retraction to….”

Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. Luckily, she also ‘splains quite nicely, in english, and she really has a great voice. What it means, is she slits my throat, shoves all the muscles and nerves and arteries out of her way, sucks out the failed disc, sands the bone spurs down, sticks something in the leftover cracks, and screws a hunk of titanium to my bones; then, we hope, she puts everything back the way it was, more or less, without tooo many leftover parts, and covers her trail by sewing my throat up again.


So, I’ve been looking this up, and it seems like (for “major, complex surgery”!?!?), that it’s actually a pretty common, and pretty successful procedure, for people like me with the stupid disc that pinches the stupid nerve, which makes my arm go wonky.

Side effects? Of course; no moving neck, no lifting over 5 lbs, no driving for 2-3-4 weeks, etc, etc.

But, there is one that may be a show-stopper. I can live with all of that- but no sex??? NONE??? For however long the Doc says?? I don’t think so! Luckily, when I mentioned this to Lynn, her response was wonderful: “Okay, well, I’ll do the work, you lie still and flat, cuz that’s not happening!”

Gotta adore a woman with that attitude, right?

The rest of the day, was spectacular though; and as I think about it, was a pretty good thing to do, after that appt, ‘cuz I would have gone to work and sat around reading about it anyway, so it was much better to go out for the afternoon with Lynn, and head north.

We went to a place on the Roundout Creek, called High Falls. We’ve been there before, several times, and loved it- there’s a great museum there, for the D&H Canal, which is pretty cool in itself. However, we weren’t there for that on this trip. Ever since the first time we’d spotted the falls, with all the kids, we’ve talked about getting up there on our own, and taking photos.

So, we thought, a Friday afternoon with all the kids back in school, before it got too late in the autumn and got too cold, would be a good time to head up there and see if we couldn’t get some great photos. Well, we got great photos, but there were three college kids hanging around working on their tans. Grrrrrrrrr. We still got some wonderful photos, though, and a bit later on, we moved down to the lower falls- not as spectacular, but a bit more private.

Lynn was being silly, playing around, and we ended up with six of the funnest, cutest photos yet; they’re over there on flickr >>>>>, along with a bunch of the creek, the waterfalls and an ancient iron bridge, over the entire creek and town of Rosendale.

What a great time that was, and I think that I really, really like waterfalls. This is the second set of water photos within a week, and just playing with the camera, to catch the water, the lighting and the sparkles, is great fun. When you have a gorgeous model to photograph too, it’s even more fun.

Here are a couple of my favorites, one of the falls, and the other is one I tried to stop-down, to change the backdrop, and it really worked out well. I’m quite pleased with a lot of them, even if that does sound like bragging- but I am, anyway.


High Falls

High Falls

Lynn, with camera effect:

Lynn at High Falls

Lynn at High Falls


Filed under: lynn, sex, , , , , , , , , ,

Salt Lake City- Or, A Tale of Travel Adventures Pt. 2

In which a visit is made to slippery slopes; elegance is found; of Olympics, and downhill racing; and it is determined that one can go down, while going up.

Wednesday, March 26, 0700-2300 Mountain

So, once again we rise and face the day, fortified by much coffee. Oh, and a small amount of protein and french toast, and/or eggs, and/or cereal, and/or fruit. Really, it doesn’t matter, I only mention it to show that even I eat breakfast once in a while.

Today, we ventured to Snowbasin, which is slightly further out of the city than we’ve been, but still an easy drive. This resort is interesting; it really was a second-rate, out of the way place, until the winter Olympics of 2002 were being prepped. At that point, “Earl” (Earl Holding) decided to dump some of his gazillions into making the resort an appropriate venue for some of the events. The mens and womens downhill races were held here, and I’m not sure what else; but I do know that the rustic chalets, the high-speed gondolas, and the incredible coverage of snowmaking equipment is mucho amazing. (Yes, snowmaking in an area that has an annual average snowfall of 500″, go figure).

Anyway, it’s another very elegant location, for a ski resort. Gold fixtures, carpeted(!) floors (skiboots are not gentle things, lol); huge fireplaces, monster timber supports, floor to ceiling window walls- and the ceiling is 40′ tall, in places. Yes, ol’ Earl did himself proud.

Not to mention, some great terrain, for the skiing portion of your day. When we arrived, though, the snow wasn’t great. Remember the heat from Monday? Well, all that softened snow froze, over the next day and night, and so we were skiing on crusty hardpack. That, is tolerable although not the most comfortable; however, we also ran into lighting that was so flat, you couldn’t see any variance in the surfaces.

That’s not so fun.

Skiing along in white-outs, is what we refer to as “sporty”, in my family. Other families may call it crazy, but that’s okay- we have fun anyway.

Besides, it was softening throughout the day, so by lunchtime it was back to the fantastic Utah snow we’ve been experiencing, in most places. So that all worked out well, right?

Oh, and after lunch, was even better- the boys, all three of them: Jeremy, Rob and Nick- decided that they needed to, they were required to ski the downhill run that was the Olympic course. Naturally, I said “Go for it.” So naturally, they did- although, we found out later, that was the only run they did after lunch. We’d been skiing hard all day, anyway, and they were wiped out after that run.

We didn’t know that till later, though, because there were other adventures about.

I mentioned the gondolas, right? If you don’t know what they are, they’re a covered, enclosed car that rides on cables, and carries the skiers to the top of the mountain so they can ski down. The ones here at Snowbasin hold eight; or, in one very particular case, the car held two.

Lynn was working on Beth and my Dad like crazy, after lunch, (with very enthusiastic help from me) in order to get them either in before us, or in a lift without us for one ride. Basically because, when we arrived at the area in the morning, she took one look at a gondola and looked at me, with the smoldering in her eyes that only she can do, and winked, and said “Soon. In one of those. Today.”

Soooooo, the maneuvers were strategic, and well executed tactically, and it transpired that we rode up in a gondola car named for “Somebody-or-other Sailor”, an Olympic Champion skier. I can’t remember his first name, perhaps Anton- but we only noticed, because as we cleared the base of the loading station, and Lynn started unzipping my pants, she said something about how it’s appropriately named, as my nickname for blogging and photos is Sailor;

Yeah, the fantasy fulfilled, that I didn’t even know I had. Nor did Lynn, as she’d never used a gondola-type lift before, was to experience (or give, in her case) a moving, sexy, loving and hot and exciting blow job, as we rode the lift up the mountain.

So she did; I did; we laughed, at ourselves, at the mess, at our outlandish behavior, and at the fact that we can still be silly and adventurous and in love and want each other.

And had a fine last run down, to meet up with the rest of the gang, and head back to the hotel for dinner and a bookstore run and bed.

What a great vacation this is!

Filed under: "Salt Lake City", blowjob, family, gondola, lift, mountains, sex, sexy, ski, snow, snowbasin, utah, vacation


Just some thoughts when I couldn’t sleep, the other night.

I lay back, holding her in my arms, pulling her close to me as she put her head on my shoulder and slid her hand across my chest. I moved my hand down to cup her breast, teasing the nipple lightly and causing the soft skin to crinkle and bump around the nipple as her breath changed ever so slightly. Her fingers started playing with the hair on my chest, teasing it and tickling it with just a bit of pressure, just enough to let me feel her warm hand on me.

She sighed, and tilted her head back, and our lips joined. Sliding her tongue into my mouth, I could taste her, feel the warmth and soft, oh so soft pressure of her tongue. Slowly, gently, she moved her mouth on mine, pressed herself against me as we kissed, her soft warm breasts and skin touching mine, leaning into me and warming me. Gently, she slid her hand lower, across my stomach, still playing and teasing the hair, following the line it makes, down to my crotch.

Teasingly, circling around and around, moving her hand so close but never grasping me, lower and under my balls, back up and around- exquisite torture, as she kept her lips locked to mine. My eyes were open, although hers were not, but I so love watching her as we touch and caress and tease one another. I moved my own hands then, sliding across her breast, down her waist and pressing in between her thighs. She sighed into my mouth, lifting her leg to allow my fingers to move to her center.

She was wet already, the moisture just starting to seep out from within the soft warmth of her lips. I used my fingers to open her more fully, gently probing, pressing slowly inside her.

We broke the kiss then, leaning back a little, and looking into each other’s eyes; hers tend to darken as she gets aroused, which never fails to increase my own excitement. At this point, they were almost black, deep pools that reflected her excitement.

Moving more rapidly now, her hand started to stroke me, grasping and drawing as I hardened in her hand. I too, moved more quickly, stimulating her clit and pressing into her wetness, adding a second and then a third finger. I began to roll my hand around, pressing against the outer walls, watching her face as she felt that motion, felt the arousal building within her.

“Now”, she whispered, releasing her grip on me, and tugging to move me over her, “Now please.”

I moved to lay above her, sliding myself into her, feeling that wonderful stretching tightening as she opened and accepted the pressure; watching her face, her eyes closing, feeling her deep breath under me as I slip inside her, both of us loving that first warmth of entering.

We stayed still for a long time then, just feeling one another, as close as we could get; feeling her tease, occasionally tightening around me, making it hard for me to stay still. I squeeze now and then, to move myself against her, press gently against her clit with my pubic bone, trying to make her feel the same excitement as I am.

Eventually, we couldn’t stand it- we had to move, and so we started to thrust against one another, pressing and releasing, pushing in and drawing out. Faster, and deeper, until she lifted her legs up over my shoulders, changing the angle as I pushed into her. “So much deeper, so different,” she whispered once, looking deep into my eyes.

We finished together, spasming deep inside her, as she pulsed around me, and when she lowered her legs I collapsed onto her, both of us breathing fast, hearts racing and bodies hot together.

A couple of “I love you” whispers, and we slept, still joined, still feeling the warmth and love.

Filed under: erotic, fantasy, sex

First Time

Funny, the things that run through my mind, sometimes. I was on the train coming home from New York today, which is different for me- I don’t work in the city, and normally drive myself to work- but on the train, when I don’t have to drive, I can daydream, think, or remember. Don’t read this if you don’t like smut, though, okay?

Their lips fused, melded together, warm breath mingled and heated the air in what little space was between their faces. His hands softly ran over smooth skin, exploring the swell of her breasts, feeling them rising to the crinkling, hardening peak, which was darkening from the usual light pink to a deeper brown. He found the very tip, hard little nubs of skin under his palm, and gently squeezed, caressed them as he moved his hands higher across her chest.

He cupped her cheeks in his hands, holding her face as he drew out the kiss, their tongues played a game of tag as lips pressed more urgently together. As her hands slipped around his waist, and moved down to cup his cheeks, she drew him closer to her. She felt his warm hardness pressing against her mound, against her belly, and moaned softly deep in her throat.

He felt the soft tickle of her sparse hairs on his erection, felt the warmth of her radiating from the soft folds, and broke the kiss to look into her eyes, still holding her face gently between his palms. He bent lower then, running his lips along her neck, and over her shoulders, using slight pressure of his hands and mouth to move her backward, until her knees reached the bed. He continued to press forward, making her sit on the bed, and slowly began moving his mouth lower, across her chest, tiny quick lip nibbles alternating with gentle flicks of his tongue. When he reached her nipples, he paused and drew first one, then the other deeply into his mouth, suckling and making them stand up ever further.

As she lay back on the bed, her hands began to toy with his hair, stroking and moving it, fingertips rubbing his scalp, and she felt his mouth work across her belly, the warm trail of moisture from his mouth drying on her breasts. Her skin felt the coolness as the air touched where his mouth had just been, contrasted with the heat of his tongue and lips. She moaned again, softly but deeper, as his hands had to leave her shoulders, and began to follow his mouth down her body, fingers rubbing and gently kneading where his mouth had led; the mouth that reached her mound and paused, as he moved all around that soft warm pad of skin, lightly covered in the wispy curly pubic hair that she kept carefully trimmed for him, because he loved it so.

He inhaled deeply, smelling her arousal, feeling her skin warming under his hands, licking and sucking the soft flesh gently. Teasing her, he worked around and over and side to side, up and down, drawing ever nearer to her clit, but never making contact. He continued this down one side, pressing her legs wide and using his arms to push her thighs open; tracing the soft line between her hip and down to her ass, leaping across to lick his way back up and across the top of her pubes, he relished her soft sounds of frustration and need, wanting and excitement.

He paused a moment, and stood, looking down at her, as she lay spread and aroused, marveling at how beautiful she looked in the dim, flickering light of the candle. He quickly stepped back, running his hands down her legs, along her calves and holding her by the ankles, one in each hand. He lifted her legs up higher, drawing her hips off the bed, and lowered his mouth to her again. His mouth found her clit this time, zeroing in on it, and gave her what she was asking for, tongue flicking rapidly around her clit, drawing it into his mouth, rolling it with his lips and teeth and tongue.

She panted, head rolling from side to side, back arching and arms rigid, hands clenched into fists holding the bedclothes, and began to whimper and sigh, whispering to him, for as long as she could, before her voice trailed off into unintelligible noises that could have been saying anything.

She felt the heat of his mouth on her, drawing her excitement up and out of her, felt her body growing warmer and the need more insistent, rising from somewhere deep in her center, as he lapped and stroked her, licking and sucking her wet swollen lips into his mouth.

She felt his hand leave her leg, and strained her hips higher, knowing what he would do next, feeling his fingers probing her opening, spreading her soft folds to accommodate it, slowly slipping inside her, turning it gently, and then the sharp, almost painful pressure as he found her most sensitive spot, and drew his fingers against it hard. She clamped her thighs as tightly as she could, around his hand and face, feeling the double stimulation of clit and g-spot to be almost more than she could bear.

Time stood still for the lovers then, as he continued to give her all the stimulation and pleasure he knew how, and she began to feel as if she couldn’t stand it anymore, the pressure to release growing inside her, deeper and hotter and stronger with each moment that passed, becoming too much to bear, but unable to have him stop. She moaned and thrashed and panted, skin shining with effort and arousal, long-untouched nipples still proudly erect.

Finally, at last, in a rush, her climax overwhelmed her, and she whimpered and groaned, trying to muffle her release in her arm, rolling her head from side to side, her neck tensing and hips bucking frantically. As she did, he felt, for the first time a great rush of liquid, much more than her usual sweet wetness, flowing from deep within her, running down his fingers to his hand, flowing faster than he could lap and suck and swallow.

As she collapsed into the bed, thighs opening and legs dropping, arm moving from her mouth to push him gently away, her too-sensitive clit throbbing, he lifted his head in wonder and excitement.

She had never squirted before, so as he moved alongside her on the bed, his hand finding and gently cupped her mons, fingers gently resting on and between her lips; as he kissed her temple and she turned to kiss him, she started to giggle softly. They slept then, holding one another closely, connected by another first time.

Filed under: daydream, memory, oral, sensual, sex, squirting


For a long time, even more than I knew at that time, coming home didn’t really mean much. I used to call myself The Invisible Man- in fact, I had that on this blog, for a long time. I would come home from work, and when I asked how her day was, I’d get either no response at all, or a very perfunctory “Fine.”

Rarely, was I asked about my own day, and to be honest, I didn’t really care. When I tried to share what I was doing, the glazed eyes, and the obvious desire to be back at the game of the night, made me unwilling to open up and share- even to the extent of “good, or bad”. No, my days were also “Fine,” because it was simpler for me too.

Often, when I would say something about schedules, about events, about whatever, I would be completely ignored, if it was even comprehended at all. Frequently, I found myself not saying anything, because that, too, was simpler; and thinking about it now, I think it was also less painful that way- a fine defense mechanism! So the more I was ignored, the more I withdrew, and that, naturally, led to more of the being ignored.

Not a particularly fun time, now that I’m able to look back at it with a little perspective. Over the past year-plus, since the day I decided I didn’t want to die after all, I’ve been working hard, on not allowing myself to fall into that trap again. I can’t go back there, because I wont survive the trip again, I know that much. So, I work at being open; at sharing what’s going on, in my head and heart and life. I’m not very good at it yet, but God knows I’m trying hard, and when I stumble, I’m doing my best to acknowledge that, and not hate myself for it. And, I wont allow myself to be ignored anymore, I no longer let anyone treat me as invisible.

And you know what? It’s great. The more I can open myself, the more Lynn is opening in return. The more I play and talk to the kids, the more they give back. The more I pray, the more I hear God’s message for me.

Yeah, I know, you all knew this ages ago, but as I told a good friend of mine earlier this evening, “I never claimed to be quick at this, or all that bright about it.”

Friday afternoon, I flew back from Atlanta. I was able to catch an earlier flight, and so arrived home about 3 hours ahead of schedule. Lynn was there, and she was happy to see me, and I was so glad to see her, I am marveling at the change that I feel in that.

Been a long time, since I’ve had to travel without them, and even longer since we started making love before I’d even really gotten in- a lot of fun, to start stripping her clothes off in the kitchen,and playing around like that. Feeling her return the favor, yanking my clothes off too, what a great way to come home. We took a few pictures, that we’d been planning on, but then couldn’t wait anymore. Even better, was doing it again, later that day. Two years ago, if we’d had sex, it wouldn’t have been that urgent, and probably not multiple times.

I have to travel again this week, I’m wondering if I can find another early flight? Hmmmmmm…

Filed under: depression, invisibility, love, lynn, relationship, sex

Coitus Interruptus- or, Volunteers Anyone?

So exciting, so hot, so wanton and free and beautiful. I love seeing her, and being with her, outdoors. It’s so freeing, so daring, to be nude outdoors, and although this time I didn’t get naked, it was the playing out of a fantasy, and that was enough.

We went for a drive, late yesterday afternoon. We didn’t have anyplace to go, and we don’t normally do that, but it was a gorgeous day and the leaves are turning, and since it was warm and clear and a perfect fall day we decided why not? So, we put the top down, and just cruised along to another little village, about 6 miles from our own. Holding hands, talking about nothing special, or important, just enjoying the day and being with her, what a great time that was.

We came across a winery that neither of us had been too, (not surprising for me, as I don’t drink), and randomly decided to go look around. Fantastic old buildings, stonework and old wood, and a quiet compound. There was a great old house, or something that started its life as a house anyway. It had additions here, and additions there, and a lot of stonework of its’ own. The whole front was a walled patio, with arches and round openings in the stonework, paved in old, mossy rocks. It was so interesting, and one of my thoughts was “too bad it’s not more private, and why did I leave the camera in the car?” All I could think of was a couple of nudes of Lynn against the old stones, which I’ve wanted to do for a while now.

So the winery closes, and as I’m driving back towards our house, I asked Lynn how her inhibition level was? She pretty much just asked me, “What inhibitions?”

So, we found a great place to pull the car off the road, and tuck it pretty much out of sight of the road, and picked our way through the woods to the railroad tracks- another long-held plan, was photos on the tracks, with the woods and all.

We walked along a ways, until we were out of sight of the road, and she started shedding her clothes. You can be sure, as she did, I started snapping the shutter. She posed, she teased, she would walk away and toward me, and we ended up with some great photos.

So, after she’d dressed, we were talking, and I asked her to do one more thing for me- and oh god, I was red telling her, but I wanted her to pee for me, let me watch her pee outdoors. I can’t even believe I asked her, and it’s really hard to believe she did- took her pants back off, and peed while I watched; then, she moved to an old hunk of something, and bent over so I could reach her from behind. I was so hot, moving behind her, opening my pants, reaching to touch her so wet and slippery, opening her up, I was sure I’d come instantly.

And, naturally, just as I’m starting to enter her, in the woods, the sunlight, the wind and being so hot, well, yeah, you guessed it.

The kids call my phone.

Damn, and blast, and all other manner of cursing, and laughing as well. Can’t escape them, nohow!

Couldn’t not answer, either, as when they’re home alone, we make sure they can reach us- and wasn’t about to make them feel like we were out of touch.

“Can we have Chinese for dinner?”

We laughed, we giggled, and we went and got take out for dinner.

Yes, we finished what we’d started, but it was later, in bed, and almost as hot talking about what we’d done, and seeing the photos, as it would have been earlier; and, I’m sure, some of that was for the anticipation building. Having kids old enough to be left alone for a few hours is wonderful, but still, anyone want to volunteer to be on call for my kids, at times like that??

Filed under: kink, nudity, outside, sex


Just a reminder, it’s going on now- boobiethon is underway. So go and indulge, and drop some cash for the cure.

Pushing her head and torso over the bed, so she was leaning across it with her legs on the ground; bare ass and legs, what a perfect position to administer a random spanking, one cheek after the other. When she tried to shift, spanking harder, faster- “No one told you that you could move.”

Occasionally, she’d attempt to draw her legs onto the bed, and although that too is a fine position, not this evening. Spanks along her thighs, sting of my palm on her ass, would have her feet back on the floor again quickly. This is nice, too, as you can step between her legs, and spread them wide with your knees, opening them and giving convenient access to a wet hot pussy, which is just waiting for some (gentler) spanks, and some finger attention.

Rubbing fingers, getting them wet with her natural lube, then adding some of the slick oil that lives by the bed, smearing it all over her cheeks and ass, and my cock; teasing and running the head all over her ass and pussy lips, up and down but not in, laying the length into the crack of her ass cheeks, hearing her breathing change and deepen, watching her fists gather parts of the sheets in anticipation, and seeing her hips starting to lift and push back.

Slippery, heat and breath and the hot smell of her, and hearing her say, “Now, please, fuck my ass, I want you in my ass.”

Sliding in, tight and slow and pressing into her, spreading her, filling her, and slowly beginning to push in and out; her hand finding her clit, moving mine out of the way, listening to the sounds of our breathing so heavy, ragged and gasping and moaning together.

When she says, “I want you to come in my ass,” I’m unable to hold back any more, it becomes a physical impossibility. Letting it go, pressing into her harder than ever, the jumping squirming release, collapsing onto her back, holding her in a backwards hug. Rolling over, tugging her onto the bed with me, holding each other as the sweat dries, as our breathing slows, sharing kisses and murmurs.

Some days, it’s better from the rear.

Filed under: anal, boobie-thon, boobies, sex

Hot chats and Cams

There is something illicit, forbidden, almost, in the reactions I have when Lynn pops up an invitation to “View my webcam”. Even when we’re in the same room, the little thrill that runs through me when she does that, is exciting. Knowing, perhaps, that it’s because for so long I didn’t know she was using it, that she was showing and playing with cams, and cyber and phone, and I was oblivious to it. Yes, I had some clues, but mostly I didn’t pay attention to them- because it was so far out of character, I dismissed the idea before it could even form. Not Lynn, she’d never do that- or so I thought!

In reality, she did, she does, and these days I’m usually aware of it, because most of the time she tells me. The conversations may go “I was chatting to nnnn today, and it got hot.”

“Did you cam?”

“Yeah, is that okay?”

It always has been, as long as she’s honest about it- the checking is just that we’re still finding our way through all this.

Last night, though, was even hotter- similar to a couple weeks ago, she was chatting with a guy, and he wanted to see her cam. The difference is that I was sitting at my computer, and so as she showed him, I was watching as well- split-screen, as it were, I could see her directly, and also had a view of the camera. She showed off her breasts, her hard nipples, and licked one of them for us. She lowered the camera, slowly, teasing him (and me, but he didn’t know this), opening her robe a bit. Eventually, she had it focused directly where he wanted it, playing with her lips and showing him her arousal.

He finished himself, and after they’d said goodbye, we went to our bedroom. This is the same guy who had teased and cajoled her into doing things on cam that were far, far outside her comfort zone, even beyond the bare fact of having it on, and showing her body to him. She made a comment, something about, “I always knew I’d show the two of you together someday,” that made me even more excited. I find it a thrill, for whatever weirdness is in me, to know that it excites her to turn me on, and turn on another guy as well.

Very very hot, to watch, to see what he’s seeing, to know that her words in the chat, her picture in the cam, are making him as hot and aroused as I was, as she does to me. Interesting times, this September.

Filed under: cam, chat, lynn, sex, sexuality

Two times Two

We’d done this once before, with them- but that time, there was some discomfort afterward, for Lisa; and we thought it wouldn’t be happening again. We were wrong, all four of us, for not only did it happen again, it happened twice on the same weekend. Saturday, and Sunday nights, were very similar. Only who was massaging who, and the dvd changed.

Four of us, in our friend’s bedroom, over the weekend. The room was dark, except for the glow of the television, which was playing a porno. I was giving a birthday massage to Lisa, as Lynn lay on the bed next to Scott. The two of them were making comments, and giving descriptions for Lisa, who lay nude on the massage table with her head in the support.

I could glance over and see the tv now and then, and over at Lynn and Scott, as they teasingly touched each other as well. My hands were moving all over, using a bit of lotion because we’d run out of massage oil. An odd, but very exciting feeling, to have my hands all over another woman, as I watched Lynn tease Scott, and the flick on the screen.

When I had her turn over, we shifted the towel to cover her hips and crotch, but her breasts with very hard nipples were exposed; and, as I massaged, moving up her inner thighs and along her legs, I could feel the barest change in temperature, and could tell she was wet- without actually touching her pussy, I knew.

When I’d finished her massage, we swapped around on the table and the bed, so Lynn was giving a massage to Scott, and I was lying on the bed next to Lisa; we watched as her hands moved across his skin, and soon enough, Lisa had her hand buried in her pussy, as I was touching myself. At one point, she moved her free hand over, and we ended up holding hands, gently rubbing one another’s fingers and palms, as we watched our spouses. Another incredible feeling, to be able to watch Lisa playing with herself, and feel the tension that it sent to her hand in mine. So many feelings, so much excitement, the air itself felt charged that night.

When Lynn had finished massaging, she motioned to Lisa, who joined them near the table. She took Scott into her mouth, as Lynn caressed his chest, and we watched as she sucked him deep and long, taking him into her mouth and running her tongue around him. What an incredibly sexy sight, to see Lynn’s hands running along his chest, as he’s getting a loving blowjob from his wife.

When they stood and moved to the bed, Lynn and I played a bit by the massage table; but only until we were invited to make use of the free space on the bed, so the four of us were on the bed, kissing and sucking and groping, playing and laughing too, at times. We all stayed coupled, beyond a brushing of arms or legs, or a gentle touch- but still, to be having sex with another couple less than a foot away, was amazingly hot.

So, not an orgy, exactly, but certainly a hot, hot weekend. Makes a memorable end-of-summer weekend, too.

Filed under: group, relationship, sex

A Year

A lot of “one year since xyz.” around this time. Overall, I’m doing okay, but there are the moments that it pops into my head. I’m trying hard to balance the ugly with the good, which is that primarily one year ago, I wouldn’t have given odds that I’d still be married at this time. I may not have said no, but it was, at that time, a lot closer to breaking apart than to continuing.

Amazing what can be accommodated, I think sometimes.

A year ago, I asked Lynn something along the lines of where do you see us in a year? Where do you want us to be?

The answer was pretty much “right here, but closer than ever, able to share and talk, and each of us still having space for ourselves as well.”

That fit with my goals and dreams as well, so we made the decision to work on our marriage, together. So we went to a counselor, (who as I look back more and more, I’m not all that impressed with), we talked, we cried, we made desperate, at times almost anguished, love, we laughed and we screwed and we prayed, and we tried to find things we can do together.

I read a lot, many books on communication, on marriage-building tips, on forgiveness. I read the Bible, I started a long, but very, very wonderful journey to rediscover God in my life, and bring Him into our marriage again. I found that the support I’ve been using for depression, some of the online groups and the therapist and the people who love me, are sometimes good to have when I’m feeling alone and apart from Lynn as well.

I’ve learned to live with some things that I never thought I would, and learned to love other things that never entered my head that we would do. I never thought, not in a million years, that Lynn would be having cyber affairs regularly, and that I’d like hearing about it sometimes. I never thought, in a million years, that not only would she let me take sexy pictures, she would suggest things for them. I didn’t ever think we’d be wandering around on a nude beach, at a clothing optional resort; nor, that we’d be planning a second trip for next spring.

I didn’t really think, especially in the depths of my depression, that I’d ever care again, ever feel the love that I have in my heart now, ever again.

I still have my moments, my doubts and uncertainties, but slowly, ever so slowly and surely, I’m coming back. I’m becoming, again, a person that I can like, someone that I can feel has enough value to be worth keeping around. No matter what happens in our marriage over the next few years, whether something occurs to blow us apart or we’re even closer than now, I know that I will be okay.

I never thought that my best friends would be people I’ve never seen in person, and two of them I’ve never even heard their voices. I never thought I’d be writing like this, publishing it to the world and take me or leave me.

Interesting to look at a year, and look back at where I was, and where I am, and where I still want to go.

Filed under: depression, love, lynn, meanderings, relationship, sex

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